Friday, August 21, 2009

honey pie

I was writing a poem recently about pain, and the weird similes we reach for in trying to describe it. It didn’t go far because of my penchant for the gruesome. Nevertheless, I got wind of this book The Body in Pain, which I've just started reading. One of the first things the author notes is how we’re largely unable to describe pain without expressions like “as if” or “as though.” There are some adjectives used frequently, such as “searing,” “burning” or “throbbing,” but often we resort to constructions like “It was as though someone stuck a knife in my side and twisted it,” or “It was as if my head were in a vice.”

The Body in Pain also mentions pain scales used by doctors, the most famous being the McGill Index. But I found another related to insect bites from an entomologist named Justin O. Schmidt, which is vivid and whimsical. He rates the pain from insect bites from 1-4, 4 being the worst. It makes you almost want to get bitten. Here it is:

1.0 Sweat bee: Light, ephemeral, almost fruity. A tiny spark has singed a single hair on your arm.
1.2 Fire ant: Sharp, sudden, mildly alarming. Like walking across a shag carpet & reaching for the light switch.
1.8 Bullhorn acacia ant: A rare, piercing, elevated sort of pain. Someone has fired a staple into your cheek.
2.0 Bald-faced hornet: Rich, hearty, slightly crunchy. Similar to getting your hand mashed in a revolving door.
2.0 Yellowjacket: Hot and smoky, almost irreverent. Imagine W.C. Fields extinguishing a cigar on your tongue.
2.x Honey bee and European hornet: Like a matchhead that flips off and burns on your skin.
3.0 Red harvester ant: Bold and unrelenting. Somebody is using a drill to excavate your ingrown toenail.
3.0 Paper wasp: Caustic & burning. Distinctly bitter aftertaste. Like spilling a beaker of hydrochloric acid on a paper cut.
4.0 Tarantula hawk: Blinding, fierce, shockingly electric. A running hair drier has been dropped into your bubble bath.
4.0+ Bullet ant: Pure, intense, brilliant pain. Like fire-walking over flaming charcoal with a 3-inch rusty nail in your heel.

9 comments:

Jessy Randall said...

That is a wonderful found poem. Though I suppose the author knew he was writing in a poetic way so it's not really found, but created.

Reading your post I remembered the birthing class exercise where you dip your hand into ice water to represent a contraction and then take it out to represent the time between contractions. And how ridiculously laughable that was as a representation of labor. On the other hand, that searing, burning feeling you can get when a really really cold ice cube attaches itself to your skin maybe slightly approximates a millimoment of a contraction.

SarahJane said...

I began thinking of that Saturday Night Live skit they used to do when the two actors (dana carvey?) compared pains - something like "Did you ever get a splinter right under your fingernail so that your fingernail got inflamed...?" Or something like that.
And yeah, labor. I was very curious. And then I was shocked.
Like an electric over falling into my bathwater over and over again.

Anonymous said...

Almost want to be bitten? It's the wine list of a well stocked cellar. I could go for something smoky with a peat aftertaste. Husky like whiskey but without an alarming sting.

As a man, the theoretical desire to experience labor is palpable. But my hat is off and the desire is better left theoretical. As a precaution I've removed all things electric from my washroom. As for passing a 9 pound flesh pod from my orifice, I'll gladly hold the camera and cut the cord.

Jim Murdoch said...

Is there a scale for psychological pain?

SarahJane said...

I'd suggest using this one. Just substitute the cause of the psychological pain for the insect, so instead of "honey bee" you'd have "fired from job." Or something like that.

Valerie Loveland said...

I love how almost all of them involve electricity.

Jasmine said...

"honey pie", a short story I didn't quite enjoy by Murakami, but was recommended by a lover so I did run through it. There is something disguisting (like women who wear loud perfume) about Murakami's short stories, so I've never ventured into his longer works.
Have you?

Jasmine said...

"honey pie", a short story I didn't quite enjoy by Murakami, but was recommended by a lover so I did run through it. There is something disguisting (like women who wear loud perfume) about Murakami's short stories, so I've never ventured into his longer works.
Have you?

SarahJane said...

Hi Jasmine -
Yes, I read "The Wind-up Bird Chronicle" about a year ago and thought it was wonderful. Aside from the protagonist, it seems to me that everyone was a bit grotesque, men & women. Well, actually the teenage girl is the book (I think her name was May), was extremely sane and wonderful.
I do want to read more of him.

Related Posts with Thumbnails