having fun already

I crossed the street from my hotel to order some take-out and, waiting, found the only magazine they had was a British GQ. I’m sure this will become the cross-cultural experience of my trip.

The first thing that struck me was how many very handsome well-built men appear in the advertising, usually without shirts on. On two opposite pages were two cologne ads, both featuring young, shirtless men leaping into mid-air. At least the water around their feet suggest they have leaped. For all I know they are simply suspended there.

I soon arrived at a story about “enhanced breasts.” It begins “until a man has made love to a woman with fake breasts, he cannot really comprehend their true horror.”

A couple pages later there was a section on kitchen gadgets, all of which were very large and chrome. There was an imposing juicer, and a high-tech coffee machine. No Tupperware or piddly utensils here.

Soon I came to a short column called “How to look well read without reading anything.” It suggests five books GQ readers should have to make an impression. One of these is Pablo Neruda’s Selected Poems, which will suggest to the world that the owner is “well hung.”

Shortly before my order came I glanced through a column called “Cook Her Into Bed,” which included a recipe. I realized men’s glossy magazines are not so different from women’s. Only funnier. To me.