Saturday, September 19, 2009

1 of the 1,000 Pieces of Bullshit You May Have to Eat Before You Die

I was reading a wine column the other day and this guy wrote in for advice about a wine he found in his deceased uncle’s cellar, saying what year it was, which region, which grape and which vintner, and asking all worried like whether the wine expert thought it would be okay to drink. It sounded like he’d been pondering this for weeks if not months. The columnist replied with his well-considered opinion, as well as two book recommendations and some lore about the vineyard the wine came from. Jesus, I thought, what is wrong with you people? Yadda yadda.

Taste and see.

7 comments:

kasscho said...

I love this. Please, please, add more to the list of thousands....

Dominic Rivron said...

I sometimes wonder if these people (columnists)never get real letters, so revert to making them up...

Ron. said...

Really. It sounds worse than the online poetry workshop where the writer posts, then expresses concern about Line 156 (right there in the middle of stanza 23), and whether to use "above" instead of "over"; and how sixteen other writers weigh in mightily, suggesting the line be deleted as redundant, all of them saying, "Delete the line, it's redundant," until a moderator has to step in and say, "you've gotten some good advice about that line, I think."

SarahJane said...

I'm sure there are 1,000 different needy souls that 1,000 varieties of chicken soup. That whole thing drove me crazy, and I don't even live in the states.

Yes, it could easily be a fake letter contrived to let the expert show off. I'm so naive.

Ron., ha! Right, "you've gotten some good feedback, so now please take your long boring poems far away..."

BJeronimo said...

I have a can of soda in my refridgerator left by a guest. I believe it was bottled in 2009 by the Coca-Cola Company. It is a dark cola, but I was wondering if you could offer advice as to what food this soda would compliment and where/if I might be able to buy additional cans?

SarahJane said...

I'm sorry, but you have neglected to mention whether or not this cola is sugar-free. Also, how well do you know the "guest" who left this cola? Does it appear that the supposed cola has been tinkered with?

@eloh said...

What a pretentious smuck he probably is. Drink it already, unless he was trying to be crafty and see if it was worth selling...what a putz.

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