friday confession

Guess what? Now I have 7 friends on facebook and one friend request from a woman I don't know. I also belong to three groups, one of which is called "Abridged Books are a Travesty to Classical Literature." But I confess that earlier this year I read the abridged version of The Gulag Archipelago. I feel real bad about this and hope my membership in afore-mentioned facebook group will not be revoked. Because god forbid I would choose to read abridged books, but I asked for Gulag for Christmas last year and abridged is what I got. I couldn't start whining, could I? "Santa! Abridged books are a travesty to literature and an insult to me!"

Here's the group manifesto: "We exist to say abridging books is an offense to classical literature. Who is to decide what in the book is important and what isn't? Whoever is abridging these works of art may be taking out some parts of the book the author deemed most important to the plot, moral, or development of the story. Not only that, but you are depriving us of the originally intended story. Abridging books should be outlawed the same as plagiarism."

This is quite unfair of me, and I fear I may indeed now be kicked out of this group, but the wording here is a bit screwed, isn't it? For example, what is up with that last sentence? It's like a crazy little children's poem.
"Abridging books should be outlawed the same as plagiarism!"
"Wearing mittens should be mandatory the same as eating vegetables!"

It also looks to me like the busy "Whoever" who is depriving readers of "the originally intended story" is in big trouble. Surprise! when "whoever" morphs into "you!"