Gentle Reader,

Dear probably-otherwise-nice Man who lectured me about people who don’t clean up after their dogs while I was walking my dog in a very clean fashion,

Dear Murderer who had a difficult childhood about which I am sorry,

Dear upright German pedestrian Lady who reminded me of the rules of the road while I was riding my bike slowly on a dirt path in the middle of nowhere without another bike in sight,

Dear Decent Writer who is otherwise somewhat of an egoistic foot-in-the-mouth kind of fuckup,

Dear I-bet-the-west-is-wrong-about-you Iranian President, sir,

Dear probably-nice-looking-dark-skinned lady who for some reason has made the mistake of bleaching her hair blonde,